Considering an alternate future in my 30’s

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and it’s long past time to get back to it! A lot has happened since my last post – namely, a holiday for 2.5 weeks to attend my mom’s wedding and visit with friends and family. Needless to say, it was an emotional rollercoaster. I’m going to talk about my mom’s wedding day in another post, because that was a big one for me and I ended up having an anxiety attack in the middle of the afternoon, but before I get to it, I want to touch on one other point: the vision of an alternate future.

Going home to visit family is always an emotional thing for me because I live so far away. It takes the better part of 2 days to travel there and then when I get there I usually only have a few weeks. This time I had 13 days at home, including the day I arrived and the day I left. I arrived and, as usual, was instantly pulled in all different directions. Mom wants me to do wedding stuff with her (she always wants me to do stuff with her – even just errands), dad wants to just ‘sit and chat’ (because he makes himself so busy doing chores at home, he never wants to do anything other than rest), my cousins are there for short visits (a couple days) and are asking when I can fit them in, while my friends patiently wait for me to schedule myself some time with them as well. Add games nights with my aunts/uncles, plus family barbeques, plus beach days, and in this instance, a one-day hike that I was planning before I even got there) and it gets very hectic. I’m blessed to be surrounded by so many people who love me and, to be honest, if it was any other way, I would probably be sad that my loved ones aren’t making a bigger deal about my return home! But still, it can be draining and it always ends up being a very tight schedule which is anxiety inducing in itself, and also why I never have time to see secondary friends (it sounds awful, but it’s the best description I can think of), aquaintances, or old mates from other eras of my life. This time I did.

This time I saw a friend from highschool that I no longer talk to, simply because he’s one of my best friend’s brother. Ben was my first love in highschool. We never dated, but he was my best friend in grades 9 and 10. We did everything together and he was always the person I looked forward to seeing and talking to. We had so much fun together. I left in grade 11 for a year as an exchange student and when I came back in grade 12 he told me he loved me and that he couldn’t be ‘just’ my friend, he needed more. I was devastated because I didn’t want more, I wanted things back to the way they were. And that’s where we parted ways really. I saw him at school and stuff, but it was never the same and we really didn’t hang out at all after that. But this time I was home, I went with my friend to pick up her kids at ‘uncle Ben’s’ house and I got to see him for the first time in about 10 years. I saw him in his backyard, with his wife (whom I knew about but was just meeting for the first time) and neices and nephews around him and for a brief flash I thought ‘wow, this could have been my life’.

I didn’t hug him to say hello and I stood there awkwardly for a while because I didn’t trust myself to know what to do. This is a rare occurrence for me. Despite some difficulty at times, I seem to always know what to do and I’ve been thrown into awkward spots before and managed them far better than this encounter. I watched him walk across the grass and laugh at something I had said to his nephew and as soon as I heard his laugh it was like time stopped and I was ‘home’. I was frozen. It was surreal and quite emotional for me. I managed to play it off well enough but I recognised that in the 20 minutes I spent with him while his wife and my friend packed up the kids, I was babbling some times, staring at him awkwardly at other times, and my palms had gotten all sticky and sweaty. I was so nervous it was like I was being interrogated in court and yet I was talking to someone who used to be my best friend. I couldn’t believe it. Twenty minutes with him and I was so affected that I started to wonder if I’d made the right choices all the way back to grade 12, when I told him I couldn’t be with him.

Ultimately I know I made the right choice, and seeing him and further considering these things solidified that, but at the time, it was a whirlwind of considerations. I instantly got jealous of his wife thinking ‘that should have been me!’. His dog kept coming up to me and I smuggly thought ‘even the dog likes me’, which I know is ridiculous. I looked around at his manicured backyard and thought how cosy it would be to set up a lawn chair and read my book in the sun next to the back corner of the garage. I took in the children’s activities that were set out for my friend’s kids and thought how nice it would be to be taking part in them and watching these kids grow up. And, oddly enough, he has a rickshaw and he takes the kids for rides in it so when I saw that, all I could think was that I could be in that rickshaw! I could be sitting with the littlest ones while Ben pretended his nephew was helping to pull us around. And in this little image we were in a park and we were all laughing happily and everything was as it would be in a movie. And that’s when I realised that I was imagining a movie scene, just with us as the characters, and if I’m being totally honest, in this vision I’d ‘stolen’ my friends kids and imagined them as my own. I thought to myself ‘does this mean I want this?’ ‘does this mean that I’m unhappy in my choice of life?’ ‘does this mean I… made a mistake?’.

I was quite conflicted after this little visit and for a few hours I was zoning out imagining a different future and what it would have looked like for me to have said yes to Ben all those years ago. And yes, I know he was just asking to be my boyfriend, not my husband, but had I said yes, we would’ve ended up together. We were great together and he loved me as much as I did him, but that was never going to be my life. Even then, as hard as it was to say no, I knew that my life was never going to turn out like that. I’ve always reached for the stars and would never have contented myself to a life in my hometown with my highschool sweetheart, simply because I would always have wondered what else is out there for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve questioned many of my decisions, particularly the ones that were the scariest and required the most change, but somethings I just knew I’d done right. This was one of them. As I continued to mull over this movie-scene alternate future I had envisioned, I became content with the fact that I made the right choice. It makes me smile to think of Ben, his wife and the kids all playing together, but it doesn’t make me sad to think that I’m not there. I’m not missing out on any potential future of mine, I’m simply daydreaming about a future that could never be – which is why it seems so perfectly movie-esk. I figure it’s the same as imagining my future with a movie star or the cute guy I pass on my way to work in the morning… someone that I don’t know and can imagine whatever scenario I want to. It’s a dream, it’s a fantasy, but it would never be reality.

The reality of my life is the one I’m living. I’ve travelled across the world, I’ve seen and experienced more than most people will in their lifetimes, and I’m blessed in knowing that I’m happy with all the decisions that have brought me here, for good or bad, because without any of them, I wouldn’t ever have made it to this exact moment. And, although I’m having a particularly good day (which has been a bit rare in the last few months), I can see that my life suits me better than any alternate life I could ever have imagined for myself.

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Me:1, anxiety:0 – in my 30’s

Ever feel like your drowning in responsibilities and there’s no way to find your way out? Well that was me on Monday. This morning I had an interview at 8am, and tonight I leave at 8pm to fly overseas for a few weeks. This weekend I injured myself at volleyball by ripping out 2 earrings that caught on the net and hurting my index finger as well. It was suggested to me that it may be broken, but I’m taping it up at the moment and hoping for the best. And my ear, well, there’s nothing I can do but wait for it to heal and for the swelling to reduce. And I was fighting off a head cold, so all in all, this weekend I did not feel great and I spent the days recovering and not preparing for my trip or my interview aside from doing basic things like printing reports and doing laundry. I’m also trying to sell some stuff on gumtree, and learning a song for my mom’s wedding (because yes, she wants me to sing: which is nerve-wracking because I don’t sing anywhere other than drunk karaoke or in the shower), and trying to clean up my flat for a stupid rental inspection… this is a lot for me to take on – especially when I suffer from anxiety.

Monday I leave work intending to have a hell-productive evening and thus, when I get home I cook up some dinner, sit down to eat it and hear my cat come through the window… with a live rat. Or mouse. I thought it was a mouse, but I’ve been told it’s a rat so that’s what I’ll call it, but whatever it was, it was a rodent that should not be in my house. She lets it go and it takes off under the coffee table and thus begins Monday’s rat race (see what I did there?). The cat and I finally managed to corner it and I got it outside eventually – after what can only be described as a Chevy Chase movie script in the making – and spent the rest of the night cleaning the floors of rat blood and other nasties it was trailing behind it. And that, in the midst of the rat race, is when I reached my stress limit.

It was dark and I saw a shadow with a tail run and my cat close to its heels and I first turn my flashlight on knowing full well that there’s something in the flat. I get to the lightswitches, turn them on and know where the creature is based on the cat’s behaviour. She’s got it trapped under the coffee table. So in a panic I empty the laundry basket full of clothes (that I had JUST finished folding) and tip it upside down – well, the handles are higher than the basket so it doesn’t sit flush with the floor. So I’m in a panicky state and I remember a big plastic punch bowl I have in my kitchen. So I’m standing guard on the coffee table holding a punch bowl when the thing runs out. I’d like to say I dealt with it calmly, but I can’t: I screamed like a child seeing a ghost. The cat fortunately had better senses and followed it into the kitchen where she’s continuing to play with it. It’s not big, and she’s having fun, but I don’t want a rat death in my home and find this torturous to the poor little rodent. She she corners it and in I come with my punch bowl… I managed to get the bowl over the rat against the cat’s wishes, and then I had no idea what the hell to do. I was so caught up with catching the rat. And that’s when panic started to set in again. I called a friend – no answer. I called another friend – no answer. I looked through my phone to see who else I could call and that’s when it hit me:

I’m not this useless, I’m just overwhelmed. So I weighted the bowl down with the closest thing I could find (happened to be one of those big bottles of bleach) and I sat down. Right on the floor, right in front of the bowl o’ rat. I sat and watched my cat run around the bowl trying to get in and the rat, running around inside the bowl, trying to get out. With one trying to get in and the other trying to get out, it reminded me of the scene in the Lion King and the exchange between Timon and Zazou: “Let me out! Let me out!” “Let me in! Let me in!” and then I just couldn’t help myself: I started laughing uncontrollably at the ridiculousness of the situation, and I self-talked myself down off of my metaphoric ledge. I was nearly paralysed with panic; not only because of this rat, but the rat was the last straw in a fairly stressful few days for me, but at the end of the day, none of it was too much to overcome.

Continuing with the Chevy Chase themed hilarity, I got the rat out by sliding an old pizza box (thank you lazy dinner the previous night) under the bowl, holding the bowl still and firm with my chin (so yes, my face was next to the rat with only some plastic between us), and opening the door with my free hand. I walked it down the driveway and into the parking lot while I wore my fuzzy slippers and set it free in a bush on the edge of the property. Proud of myself, I took the bowl and I headed back down the walkway near my flat… where my cat jumped out of a bush and scared the crap out of me! Bowl goes flying over my head and I start running up the stairs taking 2 at a time when I see her pass me, even more terrified than I was because of my reaction. I’m laughing as I type this out – in hindsight it was hilarious. At the time, I screamed bloody murder, almost started to cry, and knocked my shin on 1 or more cement stairs. Once I realised it was just the cat, I stopped, went back down to get the bowl (ever so thankful it was plastic), went into the house, poured a stiff whiskey and took a big drink, and then I started cleaning the floors.

This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I am so proud of how I was able to reassess the situation midway through and realise that it was not worth all the panic I was feeling. I’m now through my interview, at work on a break, and I haven’t even started packing for my trip – on which I will leave in 6 hours… but instead of freaking out, I’m just so damned proud of myself for handling that problem on Monday night. Last night (Tuesday), I got home with such a level head I couldn’t believe the calm and peace I felt the night before an interview. And this morning? Same thing. I woke up tired (I’m not a morning person) and instead of succumbing to the stresses of leaving tonight and the interview this morning, I casually got ready, caught an early bus, ate breakfast, had a coffee and showed up to the interview: on my terms. I wasn’t nervous, I did the best I could and I really feel like I crushed it! 🙂

So, for this round at least: me: 1, anxiety:0

Social pressures of being in my 30’s

While scrolling through facebook last night, I saw a little video clip of a man making a speech. I have no idea what the rest of his speech was about but the part this video showed was him saying:

‘… if a woman is 32, never been married, and never had any kids, then something is wrong with her… in my experience this has been true…’ He was implying that this ’32 year old woman’ should be avoided at all costs!

A woman stood up and countered this argument saying (I’m paraphrasing because it was a long rant):

if a woman is 32, unmarried with no dependents, it’s because she’s educated, career-oriented, and ‘a boss’ (I took this liberally, I doubt she actually meant ‘his boss’, but I’d like to believe that this is the case) who anyone would be lucky to have.

Why is this even a conversation that’s being had? Don’t people realise that we put enough pressure on ourselves based on personal, societal and familial expectations? I’m turning 32 this year and I have no prospect of a husband before that time. It doesn’t mean that this year, on my birthday, I’m going to wake up damaged (or anymore damaged than I already am haha) to the point that something is significantly wrong with me and I’ve now passed into the threshold of unmarriable. I’m not where I thought I would be by this age… but I’ve also experienced, endured and conquered so much more than I ever thought I would. In my 31 years on this earth, 21 were spent at home in Canada, educating myself and enjoying my life: getting first level degrees in Law and Justice and Political Science, learning French, playing sport, making friends and developing general social skills. In the other 10 years I travelled to 47 different countries (I recently found out that it wasn’t 50, which I thought it was: that was a tough day, but not in the way you’d think, and that’s enough for a whole other post). In these experiences I’ve:

  • lived in 6 countries (found work, apartment, friends, made a life, etc),
  • travelled in 6 continents,
  • backpacked,
  • met locals from these countries and discussed culture, religion, etc.,
  • met randoms and made friends I’ve still maintained to this date,
  • pushed my limits in everyway and recognised my strengths,
  • fought off several assaults (both sexual and non) and one kidnapping,
  • experienced natural wonders,
  • observed natural phenomena most people would only see in books or on tv,
  • completed a Master of Human Rights,
  • found a career I love (even if contractual at the moment),
  • breached six figures as my salary at 30 years old,
  • adopted a cat,
  • donated blood and money to charity, volunteered, etc…
  • started to learn Italian,
  • begun personal-interest courses and learning in Psychology,
  • found my favourite hobby/sport (beach volleyball),
  • found out I’m artistic(ish): crocheted a blanket, cross-stitched, painted, etc…
  • this list could go on forever.

How is it that someone who has accomplished this much can still be seen as unmarriable? By these ‘social’ standards, I’m a failure. I have such a hard time wrapping my head around how this can be so ingrained in Western culture still today. I’ve always achieved every goal I’ve set for myself other than the ones that society forces on women (and some men, I know) of a certain age. My original ‘life-long career goal’ was to be in a position to manipulate government policy. Well, that happened 2 years ago and I found myself in a strange position. At that point I was engaged, living in paradise, educated, had travelled, and had at that point realised that I had already accomplished the career goal I had assumed would take me a lifetime: all before I turned 30. And rather than relish in this success, I found myself lost.

Despite social pressures, I realised I was not living to my full potential. I decided to redevelop a career goal to work towards and acknowledge that it’s not a life-long one. When I accomplish this one, and I will soon (I’m currently awaiting publication in Parliament and then I will have completed it), I will develop a new goal and work towards that one. I also realised at that point that I was engaged to the wrong person, and I decided that society can go f*ck itself. I’m not choosing to marry the wrong person just so that I won’t ‘miss my chance’ as I get older. It was a very tough decision and it’s had lasting effects, but, 18 months on and I’m still strong. All of my experiences have had lasting effects and some of them have hardened me more than most would be comfortable with (you try fighting off being dragged into a van in the middle of Africa and have it not alter your perspectives)… but I have to state my opinion here: I’m far from unmarriable (yes, I’m biased).

My main focus at the moment is a personal goal. And it’s to see myself for who I truly am and to figure out which path suits me best – regardless of society and outward opinions. It’s also partially why I started this blog – to develop personally, but also in hopes that it reaches anyone else who is struggling at the moment. I may not be able to change society or social standards, but maybe I can shed some light on a different perspective. I struggle daily with what I have accomplished vs what I should have accomplished by now. I’m aware that my biological clock is ticking and I don’t need any misogenysts or antequated theories to remind me of this. But I’m also aware that I may not want children or a husband, and that until now, I’ve lived a life most others haven’t. So why then, am I still holding myself to the same standard that I’m arguing against? Because of those social standards telling me where I should be at this point. I have to say though, trying to fit myself into this little box with everyone else is truly taking away from all the things that make me who I am.

Weathering the storm in my 30’s

Today I’m struggling. Well, actually, for the last hour or two I’ve been struggling, before that I was fine. I had a good chat to my mom this morning, I indulged in some furniture shopping yesterday and am excited about my new stuff, and I was in a meeting with my boss this morning where I received praise for a job well done. I’ve been texting my hair dresser with photos of what I want done on Saturday, I got my ‘plasma donation’ reminder text (which always makes me feel good) and I’ve been looking at my week, so packed with social activities/dates/etc that I have no time for much of anything else. So why then, about an hour ago, did I just come crashing down emotionally and hit rock bottom?

I often have times like this. It’s not even days sometimes where it’s ‘good days and bad days’… sometimes it’s hours. My mom calls this a ‘storm’. This morning I woke in a great mood and was ready to seize the day. The day has continued to be a good one, and yet, right now, it’s everything I can do to not just get up and walk out. Where? No idea. But sometimes life just feels too hard. For the most part, I’m a very resilient person, but because of this, I book myself too much to do and then normal life becomes overwhelming. Take Saturday for example: Saturday I got up nice and early to find my cat had rolled in mud and climbed into my bedroom window overnight. So first thing I did was give her a bath and wash ANYTHING she had made contact with. She’s normally clean, so this is the first time I’ve ever had to bathe her (I adopted her in October after previously fostering her for nearly a year). Then I went to an hour’s karate class, followed by an hour’s kickboxing class from 9-11. My friend had asked if I could fill in for her softball team because they didn’t have enough players to even fill the field, so I got home and changed from one set of sportswear into the next with a quick sponge off of a shower and off I went to get there for 12-2 softball. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time, it was such a funny game! Anyways… it was a 30 minute drive away so I got home about 245 and had to tell my date that I would not make it for our 3:00 meet up, but that I would be there at 3:30. So into the shower for a proper scrub this time and back into the car to meet my date – a first date – with wet hair, an empty stomach and mismatched socks because (of course) I’d run out of laundry. We get take away coffees and go for a walk around the nearby lake – it was a lot of fun. 🙂 Then I realise it’s already 5:15 and I was meant to be at indoor volleyball at 5:30. Fortunately volleyball was a social event and I was able to rush back home, change into my fourth set of clothes that day and get there at 6pm. I’m stuffing Bhuja mix (it’s a yummy snack if you don’t know what it is) in my face while I drive there, but I’m glad I went when I did because I was put on a team with a guy I have a bit of a crush on and 2 other lovely people… and had a blast again. I left indoor volleyball at 10:30, was in bed by 12 and up again at 7am to get to the beach for an 8am beach volleyball session.

Saturday was SO much fun, but by the time Sunday afternoon came around, I had to cancel another first date I had organised because I was so physically exhausted I could barely move. But I still had to do some chores because I’d now gone through every bit of sportswear I own (including some old stuff I wouldn’t choose to wear), and had to cook up some food to eat, and I went shopping because a dining set I’d been waiting on for ages came on sale and it wouldn’t last until next weekend (the shop’s only open until 4 – of course – so I have to go at the weekend because I’m otherwise working). I felt ill by the evening. So now, I’m having a down few hours, and I’ve booked myself some time in the week (the social nightmare I mentioned earlier) to do some stuff of my own, and tonight is one of those nights. I have been trying to do karate and kickboxing at a local dojo and while I do really enjoy it, I just can’t find the time to go very often because, I get too busy or exhausted, and then that’s the first to go. My nights set aside for karate and kickboxing were Monday and Wednesday – so I’m just succumbing to the fact that I need some ‘me’ time more than I need any extra training of any kind, but here’s the catch: I already have a list of things to do that I neglected because I had such a busy weekend. Tonight’s ‘me time’ will involve stopping at a local spice shop for ingredients, dishes, cooking breakfasts and lunches for my work week, finishing/folding the laundry, selling my current table, picking up a few photo frames, cleaning the shelves in the kitchen (because something spilled over at the weekend), and, if at all possible, vaccuming – because my muddy cat left sand/dirt everywhere. Sounds relaxing!

Normally I love a busy life, and lead a busier life than most, but the issue I struggle with is moderating this life. I fill my time with so many activities that I end up struggling just to juggle daily chores – like tonight’s – and can’t be comfortable until they’re done. I guess I’m also a bit obsessive in that respect. Oh, and I’m also going overseas next week. So I have 8 days to get my affairs in order (packing, cleaning for a friend to come in and feed little miss muddy while I’m away, etc). Which is heaps of time, if I wouldn’t schedule a social life that takes up 98% of my time and energy. I know I sound ridiculous in complaining about this, but what’s troubling me is this: why do I feel the need to fill every moment? What is so fundamentally lacking from my life that I can’t stand to be idle? Whenever I have a moment to myself I start feeling down and I hate that I do because I can’t justify it; I have a great life! But I still feel lost/confused/alone and some emotions that I have no words for, and this is why I feel like I’m struggling with daily life right now. Not today, cause this morning I had it all figured out and was happy as a clam (where did this saying come from?), but right now, I’m struggling. My mom termed it well: she said to me this morning that I have ‘storms’ because they’re intense at the time, but they always pass. I know it’s residual from my anxiety/depression struggles over the last 18 months or so, but I can’t wait until the day comes when the storms are more of a drizzle or foggy mist.

Using faults to my advantage in my 30’s

No one is perfect. I could list several things I don’t like about myself: I’m fatter than I want to be, I’m moodier than I want to be, my hair never falls right until I’m about to go to sleep – by myself – otherwise I look like I might as well have stuck my finger in a lightsocket… because that’s life. It’s also true that when I run into someone I don’t want to, I’m in a terrible state:

  • once, I’d just stopped crying and was blotchy and sniffly and could barely breathe.
  • once, I was on my way to a very formal meeting with my boss and I saw someone I wanted to say several things to that would’ve resulted in me being sent home, or fired.
  • once, I’d walked into a doorframe and lost my balance – turned around and there was an old colleague of mine watching and laughing… ok, I probably would’ve had the same reaction, but still.
  • once, I fell asleep on the beach and woke up to a ball in the head and, of course, an ex-mate (cooler, more popular than me and smug: as if she’d done it on purpose) had thrown it. Drool coming down the side of my face and everything – it was beyond cringe-worthy.
  • this list could go on forever…

But that’s not what this post is about. This is about the fundamental characteristics we are born with or develop (insert a nature vs nurture debate here) to make us who we are. I believe our faults can also be positive attributes, but only if kept in check. So my fault, the one that tops all the others and is both the reason I have difficulties connecting with people and the reason for my successes… is that I’m aggressive. I believe everyone can be aggressive when they want are pushed in that direction, but I am fundamentally aggressive in my personality. Fortunately, this did not manifest as violence and I’ve never been in a fight in my life, but I am aggressive.

I’m aggressive in getting what I want. When I set my mind to something, I will do/get/see it. It’s the reason that I have had as much success as I have thus far in my life. … But it’s also the reason I can offend people quite easily. And why I can be more hurtful than I intend and more blunt that anyone ever should. I’ve been laughing it off with some mates lately and saying things like ‘no wonder I’m single’ but honestly, it’s not a joke! This is why I’m single… I can flirt and everything is going well and then date 1 passes well and date 2 passes well and then I think ‘hey I like this guy’ and instead of continuing the game that is dating like a normal person I will lay it all out on the table very directly: ‘hey, I like you, I think this could be great, where is it headed?’ etc etc. It’s not that I mind either way, but I like to get to the point. If you like me, say so. If you don’t, say so. I won’t get my feelings hurt, I’m aware that not every pair of people in this world will get on well and that even if you do get on, it doesn’t mean that it’s romantically. I get on quite well with my mates, but I could never imagine crossing the ‘relationship’ threshhold with them. That’s where most of the comfort comes from! I’m also not what men like to call the ‘crazy bitch’ in that I want to jump straight into a relationship. I just want to lay everything out on the table. I hate time wasting, in dating, relationships of any kind and especially at work!

At work is another area that I have to be very careful about my aggression. I was once called out on my ‘bitch face’ in a meeting skills training course. The facilitator said something along the lines of ‘no matter what, you have to act engaged and not let your true opinions show through your body language; like what she’s doing right there’ and pointed directly at me. I was shocked that he’d called me out on it, but I was bored stupid and hiding it was the last thought on my mind, so no, I wasn’t shocked when he said he could read my emotions on my ‘bitch face’. Information requests are also a difficulty for me. Most people go up to someone and ask for information something like this:

‘Hi, how are you? how’s the family? is that a new dress? I love the colour! yadda yadda yadda… oh, and by the way, can I get those numbers? Thanks, and can’t wait to hear more about blah blah blah…’

Here’s how I do it:

‘Good morning, do you have those numbers I asked for? Thanks’ and I walk away.

WHO HAS TIME FOR ALL THE FLUFF? Of the two examples above, one is definitely more efficient (mine) but one is definitely kinder, friendlier and dedicated to creating a positive working environment (literally anyone else’s). So my issue is that my determination and my lack of wanting to do anything other than what will simplify the task at hand, is then construed as aggression. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut in most instances, particularly in the office, but I have to make a concerted effort at keeping my opinions to myself whenever I possibly can.

Arguments with me are not fun things. I know this. If someone is ignorant, I will call them ignorant. If someone is petulant, I will tell them they’re being petulant. I seem to have missed the class where everyone else was taught tact. I don’t always think I’m right and I will happily listen to altering perspectives, and often further research whatever point is being made. If I’m uneducated in a topic, I will not debate it, and I truly believe that all the differing opinions, beliefs, cultures, etc. are what make our world so incredible. But if someone comes at me with a biased, uninformed opinion that directly affects me then look out (i.e. my ex once tried to slut shame me – only once).

This also means that I don’t have time for drama. We all have that 1 friend (or 2 or 3 or 4) that is always full of drama. Don’t get me wrong, I have heaps of stories and things happening in my life too that some may call drama, but for this purpose, I mean drama to be the whinging, complaining, ‘the sky is falling’ reaction to everything. FML? I was SO angry when I found out what that meant!!! There was a phase where everyone was posting FML on facebook…

‘I just burned the cookies I was baking! FML’

‘My car just cost me $300 to repair! FML’

‘FML I can’t believe the cost of drinks on this cruise ship’

‘My boyfriend’s annoying me. FML’

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Stop over exaggerating please! Some people can’t afford a car or a cruise or don’t have a home to bake in or a boyfriend to annoy them – let alone have access to the internet to complain about these trivial things where they have no business being advertised. These first world problems are annoying enough and yes, we all have them and I’ve even written about a few of them… but I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet because of them! Take the Dr I was dating as an example: he wasn’t as interested as me, or he was just too busy. Whatever the case, I didn’t head to social media about how much my life sucked! My life doesn’t suck, it was just a bad combination of two people. Get over it. My most annoying example lately is a friend of mine was recently dumped by her boyfriend and she was a couple days late with her cycle. When it finally came (only 2 days late after a ton of international travel) she messaged me ‘OMG I thought I was pregnant… that would have ruined my life… imagine if I was… just imagine!!! … what should I have done?… do you think I should have told him?… what do you think I should have done?… etc’ I can only deal with so much before my aggressive nature comes out and I have no more patience. I told her something along the lines of ‘well, good thing you never have to consider any of that since it didn’t actually happen’ and I had to ignore her pleas for attention for a couple days after that. It’s not the best thing I could do, but I had my own problems I had to ACTUALLY deal with and I didn’t want to delve into hypothetical ones as well.

I do my best to be a good friend and I have managed to keep a handful of best friends that are scattered around the world. My aggressive nature forces a lack of patience in my but it also creates a ferocity in me that I will do anything and everything I can to help a friend. I love with all of my heart when I do let someone in… it’s just a matter of getting in! So in my case, I have recently come to terms with just quite how aggressive I come across (which manifests in sarcasm, rude humour and a complete lack of empathy as well) and I’m working on calming it down at least a bit!

But I have to say that without that aggression I wouldn’t have this determination, and I wouldn’t be where I am today. So despite it being what I would probably consider my greatest fault, it has also resulted in what I consider to be my greatest achievements.

Weight focused in my 30’s

Here I am, finishing off another Monday – nearly halfway through the year. I’ve been focusing a lot on men in these posts, so I’ll discuss a bit about what I’ve been up to outside of the dating world for today: focusing more on my self-evolution. I want to be the best person I can be and that, for me, starts with correct food choices, exercise and work/life balance. I love being healthy. Not a fit chick that lives for exercise and sport, but fit enough to play the sports I want without my heart and lungs fighting for which will give out first. Recently I started martial arts – about 2 months ago. I signed up on a 3 month trial and have attended a grand total of… 3 times. In 2 months! That’s a terrible effort for the ‘new me’ that I was hoping to show off when I go home to my mum’s wedding this summer! I now have 1 month left of the membership and until I leave to Canada for the wedding that will be immortalised in photos and memory. My problem is not in the decision – I can easily see what I need to do to get where I want to go. I can develop goals and set a plan to achieve them. It’s just that my execution of these plans doesn’t really exist.

I have to say that I’m so excited about this wedding! But what I’m not excited about is wondering if the dress I got (and left there on my last trip home) still fits me and how chubby I’m going to look in all the photos that will decorate my mum’s home for the rest of her years. It’s a good thing she doesn’t care about my weight like I do! She cares about her own, which is far too common in women. 😦 Back to my personal point: I thought that the wedding would be a great timeframe to set a goal and attain it by. But I was so very wrong! So now, I have just under a month to get to a point where I’m happy with how I look for the photos. I’m quite comfortable in my own skin usually; I can look in the mirror and appreciate a good hair day (doesn’t happen often though), a nice outfit, or even when I’m completely nude and seeing all my jiggly bits, I can appreciate that I am still an attractive person, albeit an overweight one. It’s the prospect of the photos that’s getting to me right now. I’ve never disliked my photo being taken until I saw the ones from my best friend’s wedding in January. At that point I’d gained 14kgs in about 3-4 months and it was not sitting well with me… especially since I was in a dress that would never feature in my own choice of clothing and a hair style created for a 12 year old: complete with ringlet curls and all. I looked, to put it kindly, like a wannabe princess. To put it realistically, I looked ridiculous in my opinion. I believe that 99% of the time the person who’s skin it is, is the only person who’s opinion actually matters, with the exception being when you’re standing in a wedding. Then it’s apparently the bride’s job to make us bridesmaids look as ridiculous as possible! I’ve NEVER been able to stand in a dress I actually liked!

Until now. Enter my lovely mum who says ‘choose your own dress, colour, everything; I don’t care so long as you’re there.’ 🙂 So I did and I love the dress and it makes me feel pretty and I finally have the opportunity to feel good about my physical appearance in a wedding party: except for the ferrero rocher I just ate… and the 4 before that one. *sigh*

I’ve always been weight-conscious and I’ve always been overweight. I play heaps of sport and, because of this, exercise more often than most people – I’m talking 8-10 times a week is pretty normal for me. For the most part, I make good food choices as well – I eat eggs and veggies for breakfast, a prepacked, healthy lunch and then a salad or meat/veg dinner. My biggest issue is with alcohol. I love those empty calories so much! Wine is my favourite drink – to the point where I get annoyed that I feel the effects so easily because I want to drink more of it! I don’t like the ‘drunk’ feeling, I just genuinely enjoy the taste and relaxing vibe I’ve come to associate with sitting and having a glass of wine. Because with it, I’m not stressing about work or chores or anything, I’m either cooking or reading or sitting in a bathtub listening to music. This is what I love, and tea or water or even pops just don’t do these things justice. I also have a sweet tooth (hence ferrero rochers) but I won’t actually eat sweets at home usually – it’s only when someone brings it into work: but then no holds barred, I’m shoving fist-fulls of whatever treat that it is (whether I even really like it or not) down my gullet before anyone else can get their hands on what I’ve deemed my ‘portion’ (which is usually enough for 3 people). And then I feel sick and so I don’t eat the healthy lunch I packed, until it’s late and then I don’t feel like a healthy lunch so I pop out to a takeaway shop for some sushi or something high-cal and high-sodium. Not an awful choice on its own, but when paired with the ton of calories I’ve just ingested by eating half a cake without pause, it’s also not a good one!

Who I’m looking for in my 30’s

Online dating is ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun… but it’s also frustrating and then exciting and then annoying and always so damned time consuming! I have no idea what I did to fill my time before I started obsessively checking my phone for any new messages. Plus, I seem to have developed a massive ego within a week because I have had so many people message me that I think there are so many options out there I can cull at will! Gentleman reading this, take notes, but everyone please don’t judge me too harshly for this bit of truth we all believe to some extent. Let me say, this is not who I want to be, but I will admit a few things here:

  1. if he opens with ‘hey’, ‘how r u’ or ‘what u doin’, he will not get a response from me. I need grammar – and full words – in my life!
  2. if he does not have a photo, he will not get a response back from me.
  3. if he does not smile in profile photo and/or does not show teeth in any photo, he will not get a response from me.
  4. if he has a photo with him and someone who could be his ex (could also be a sister, a friend, a colleague, etc… but since I don’t know this…), he will not get a response from me.
  5. if he has only group photos, he will not get a response from me.
  6. if he doesn’t catch my interest in the first few messages, he will stop getting a response from me.

Now, let me point out that while that’s usually what I stand by, there are exceptions to these rules. And let me also point out that I am a huge sucker for certain things, some of which, are ridiculously clichéd and will make me break my above rules… ultimately reminding me why I created these rules. 😦

  1. dogs in photos. Every time I see this I want to pass the person by, knowing full well it’s a tactic, and not likely even their dog (which would be fine) yet, I seem to always find myself messaging him (good tactic I guess *eye roll*) just in case he does in fact come with a dog.
  2. a good looking body. I know that anyone without an ounce of fat on their body will most likely not be compatible with me (I like to eat and drink a lot, and do not consider going to the gym as a hobby), and yet still, I seem to find myself messaging him.
  3. an egocentric profile. I’m not even interested in this working out, and yet I feel the need to express why, and thus, find myself messaging him. *enormous eye roll*
  4. and the breadcrumbers… yes, like the one in my previous post about this. It’s like an innate sense from deep within that I need to have everyone like me and so the more he plays this game, the more I grasp to hold on. It’s almost embarrassing to admit, but I know that I’m not the only one, cause if I were, then this wouldn’t be a thing, let alone the ‘new trend’ in 2017 online dating apparently. 😦

So here I am, knowing full well the error of my ways and trying my best to get past them. I do not want to continue to pick up breadcrumbs or be significantly disappointed at a date who’s only conversation is about the gym (I’m generalising of course). When I truly think about it, here’s what I really want:

  1. Effort. Effort! EFFORT!! Lazy men need not apply. If he puts the time and thought in, I will message him.
  2. Confidence! oh, I am drawn to confidence (not arrogance) like a moth to a flame and I will definitely message him.
  3. Make me laugh. Life’s too short to have the same boring conversation over and over so if he can do it via message, I will message him.
  4. Depth. I want someone who can challenge me and if I find that, I will message him.
  5. A fun write up. If I can relate to, smile, or laugh while reading someone’s profile, I will message him.
  6. Smiling in photos. I’m talking real, genuine “hey look, I’m a happy person” smiles. I am drawn to happy people, not boastful ones so if he’s posing with a cheeky grin then I will message him.

And if I find all of the above in someone that I am mentally and physically attracted to, I’ll be hooked! That’s what I thought I had found with the breadcrumber… I’m clearly still disappointed, but I have also lost interest – finally! I woke up to a message from him this morning actually, which read ‘Good morning! How are you babe?’ Well, the last time we’d messaged he was checking his schedule to see when he could fit a date in… looks like he forgot about that… nice effort there Mr. Man! But, at least he used full words and correct grammar, so he still has hope in the dating world… with someone else who, hopefully, he will consider a priority.

I think we can all agree that no one deserves breadcrumbing and that people who do it aren’t kind to their counterparts. But… what I didn’t realise until I read about it, was that I actually ended up doing it accidentally. I was breadcrumbing a man while I waited around to see what would happen with this guy who ended up breadcrumbing me (oh the irony!) and I didn’t even realise I was doing it. Once I researched it a bit and recognised what I was doing, I changed tack immediately. I messaged him with a heartfelt apology and asked him out for a drink, on me, as an apology. This is the first time I’ve asked someone on a first date. I mean yes, I’ve suggested we ‘catch up’ to men I’ve dated previously, but never taken the first step. He didn’t respond for about a week, which I took to mean he was not accepting my apology, but when he did finally respond, he was not impolite, but short and said that he’d been out of town and would be for another two weeks. Had I not realised I was breadcrumbing him, I wouldn’t have continued this as I thought the conversations lacked a bit of excitement, but I was just so happy that he’d accepted my apology that I gave him my number to contact me when he got back (without him asking for it: another bold move). He has actually been messaging me from where his work sent him in the middle of nowhere, and while the conversations are not thrilling, they are lovely and kind and he sends photos, or useful resources, etc. with them sometimes. He gets back this weekend and I’m quite looking forward to meeting him in person now and I’m so happy that we continued talking. He does not qualify in my criteria above, and maybe nothing will come of it, but for now, I’m glad he forgave me and that I made the exception to my rules.

I’m still learning about the criteria of what I want in a man, and what that actually looks like in real life, but I’m having fun while I learn. 🙂

Online dating in my 30’s

After my last post, a friend convinced me to join Plenty of Fish – or PoF as a lot of people know it to be. So, that’s where I’ve started talking to a few people now. It’s been good fun so far, but very overwhelming. Apparently this is well known amongst the men on that site as well because quite a few of them started conversations with ‘is your inbox full yet?’ or something similar. As expected, I still got a lot opening with ‘hey’ – and to be honest, I don’t even respond to these. I know it can be hard to start up a conversation, but try a little bit gentlemen, come on! When I start a conversation with someone, I don’t just write ‘hey’ or ‘what’s up?’ or the like. My biggest pet peeve is when people use letters instead of words, and because of this, I found one of the funniest profiles to be a man who started his summary by stating ‘I don’t know what people who write ‘you’ as ‘u’ do with all their free time.’

I’m quite a direct, no bullsh*t kind of person, so I can come across very defensive in text. I’ve been told this twice in the last two days. Usually because I question peoples’ profiles in a sarcastic way and they don’t like it… which is fair enough. My description has people teasing me about it as well, but sarcasm doesn’t always translate as everyone knows! So, here I am, on PoF and I have started talking to two more doctors, and an emergency services worker, a mining supervisor, a teacher, an analyst, an engineer, etc… but wouldn’t you guess, within a day of signing up to this site the original breadcrumbing doctor messaged me again. And, although sporatic, has continued to. We even had another date set up, but he didn’t manage to leave the hospital until well after I was willing to meet him. And since then, we’re still talking. My hopes aren’t high, but he’s making strides in the right direction, so I’m going to see how this plays out… maybe he wasn’t breadcrumbing, maybe he was actually just plain busy. Whatever the reason, I’m not going to be unkind to him and still enjoy talking to him, so I may just reconsider what kind of relationship I want from him.

So now, I have a different date tonight with another of the doctors, and he’s made a very quick transition from messaging to asking me out, which is nice. 🙂 This man seems like the real deal (again). Cute, funny, smart, etc… and yes, at this point, I do realise that I’m quite naive in my hopefulness, but I do like to believe in people and believe the best in them. I have no idea if this is a romantic interest at this point, because we haven’t talked much, but what we have, he seems very nice. He chose a nice little cafe for us to meet in tonight and since it’s a bit out of the way, made a point of asking if I was ok with driving that far to meet him (yay, he’s considerate!). It’s on the beach, which is lovely, and now I just have to decide what to wear. I’ve had another few offers from people who want to go out soon, but I’m taking it a bit slow for the time being – I don’t want to be dating heaps of people at the same time…

But that’s not to say that I don’t like messaging multiple people at the same time. I currently have multiple conversations going, and, after talking to a few friends about it, I’m still not even talking to half the number of people some of those girls are. Which I think is great! Gone are the days of settling for someone just because no one else is around and then having to work through differences, etc. But, in comes the perception that there are so many options out there, that no one should ever really settle for someone because someone better might be around the corner. So many of the men (and women, but I can’t comment since I’m dating men) on these sites are looking for ‘something casual’ or to ‘see what happens’ – which I’m learning apparently means ‘see how good you are in bed’ because the idea of dates is hardly discussed in these situations. I’m actually online to see what happens, not just to hook up, because, if I’m being perfectly honest, I’m very happy with being single for the moment!

PoF is an amazing confidence booster if anyone is considering signing up. I have seen a few profiles that are rude and had a couple of people message me rudely, but for the most part, the men that I’ve been talking to are cheeky, funny, and complimentary. This is a big change to what I saw on Tinder last year – where the majority of people were on there to find a person equally beautiful to them, no matter what the conversational skills. In my opinion, dating is fun. And yes, I’m saying that even after things didn’t work out with the doctor I was so excited about in my last post (even though we’re still talking, I’m considering it to have not worked out since I wanted something more than he appears to and that will never work). There are so many people out there to meet, and I can’t wait to hear more of their stories and learn about what makes each person tick – starting tonight, with my second doctor date – this one works in research and has a PhD. I can’t believe my luck in finding such interesting people within days of signing up!

Breadcrumbed (yes, that’s a thing) in my 30’s

Yesterday I learned a new term, thanks to google and the urban dictionary, which is ‘breadcrumbing’. This is basically when someone keeps in contact just enough so that you’re on the hook, but not enough so that something will ever come of it. Called breadcrumbing because there’s a tiny trail to follow (think Hansel and Gretel), but unfortunately without ever reaching a destination. Apparently it can happen most often in three different situations, and the second one that was described (to sum it up, it’s when a person is looking at dating other people and he/she puts you on ‘hold’ while considering what else is out there) really resonated with me. In the last few posts, I’ve been discussing this dream boat of a doctor that I’d been dating. Well, he’s been flakey recently and constantly saying how busy he is, which I was excusing because let’s face it, he’s a doctor, he’s going to be busy. But there ended up being a few too many:

  • 9-10pm messages of ‘what’re you up to?’.
  • ‘wish you were here… I’d love to see you’ with no follow up or actual date coming from this, just talk in the evenings when he knows I’m busy.
  • conversation starters where he would message me and I could see that he was still online, but not responding for hours, or even days in some instances, with no explanation.
  • random messages (like a youtube link to a (terrible) comedy act) and no conversation.
  • no response to any link, meme or message I send
  • the ‘joking’ insults to photos sent: i.e. send a photo with a friend and his response is ‘stunning’ to which I reply ‘thanks’ and he says ‘not you, your friend! haha’.

I’m confident enough to know that he’s playing a game and that my friend is in fact stunning so self-esteem wise, that last one didn’t bother me… but dating wise? What an idiot! Had it been followed by a ‘just kidding’ with a compliment or something else then that’s fine, I can take a joke like everyone else. But when you leave it there, assuming I know you’re joking (if it was in fact a joke), that’s not cool. Isn’t that called negging? Ugh, I hate all these new negative dating trends. What happened to be charming, flirtacious, and complimentary? That’s the dating that’s fun. Dating shouldn’t leave anyone feeling bad about themselves. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes two people just don’t connect or it’s only one-sided and it may hurt, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of; and that’s entirely different. Negging, ghosting, benching, and (my newly learned term) breadcrumbing… these are cruel modern day tactics that not only lower one’s standards, but also have an effect on one’s mental health, self-esteem and self-worth.

I’m fairly new to getting back into the dating scene (about a month) and I’ve wasted most of that time on this doctor. I find myself surprised by this new dating trend but also relatively unscathed. I can’t imagine that a year or two of dealing with games like this will leave me quite so well-off in mind, body and soul – and that’s scary.

Realistically, I could be quite wrong about him: he could actually be very busy and not at all playing this game, but then why the cagey messages and dodgy responses if at all? Maybe in a few days I’ll have the explanation to all of this and I’ll be confessing my error in another blog then, but for now, I’m quite sure that I finally figured out what his game is: breadcrumbing. It’s a terribly sad truth because I had a major crush on this man – he was as near to a perfect match as I could’ve ever imagined, but at the end of the day, I can’t make him want me back or to stop playing games. I wouldn’t want to… it should come from him. And holding a candle for the possibility that one day he would see the errors of his ways is not really in my personality. I wasn’t rash, I waited and observed his behavioural changes over the last couple weeks, I was direct in texting him that I would like to see him again (to which he waited two days to respond to and then apologised for the delay in response without actually commenting on the message), and I gave him several opportunities to step up. And then I stopped.

With one text, I felt more control over this situation than I have in weeks. I sent him a message telling him that I was sensing his confliction and that while that’s totally fine, I didn’t want to get any more invested while he’s still figuring out what he wants. I actually googled how to say what I wanted to nicely because, had I written from my emotions, I would said something like ‘take your games elsewhere, I have no time for you – jerk!’, in which case, if I am wrong, that’s quite embarrassing! With the text I did send, I have saved face if I am wrong and I’ve given him an out where he can just move along without any defensiveness – thereby avoiding any potential retaliation in the form of more negative texting/games. I was clear with what I wanted, which is typical of my personality, and I left no room for interpretation. I made sure to avoid putting any ambiguity into the text, or any hope, because then I would lose face (as I learned from googling – google is literally my best friend).

I’ve already received a response to that, which was an apology for the delay in response because he was just getting home from work – which is totally fine, but there was no acknowledgement of the message itself, again, so I left it there. Upon seeing his reply, my immediate response was to write him an explanatory text about how it wasn’t just this one time, and that we aren’t really going anywhere and that he’s not been respecting me (whether it was his intention to disrespect me or not)… but that would have been me, picking up another breadcrumb. And I’m done with that. So I left it alone and didn’t reply, which is hard for me to do, but I feel empowered by that decision and proud that I did it, and continue (only 12 hours later) to not give in to responding. I will if he sends anything further that’s worth responding to, because I have no intention of lowering myself to any level, including that of being rude, but no more breadcrumbs. I am and always have been a ‘lay it all out on the table’ kind of person, and I despise games.

So, here’s back to the dating pool to see what else is out there. I’m currently on Happn to meet new people (because no one I know has any single friends apparently), but I’m considering trying something else. I know Tinder is very popular but I think it’s just for hook ups with the occassional good-news story that a couple did meet there. I’ve also recently heard of Bumble, but I have no idea what that is. Aside from that, I guess it’s proper dating sites like RSVP, Plenty of Fish, or Match.com right? I’m not sure about those… for some reason, I feel like the apps are still fun to try but when I sign into the dating sites I’ll cross to the realm of desperate… I know quite a few women who are on the sites or have used them to meet their current boyfriends, but for some reason I have a hang up about the sites that I still need to get over. I’ve actually used one in the past and I met some very lovely people off of it, so I’m really not sure why I’m so reluctant this time. My next hurdle: getting over this ‘stigma’ of online dating sites. I mean hell, if I can get over the stigma around being a victim of emotional abuse (outlined in a previous post) then I’m sure I can get over this!

Onwards and upwards to find someone else worthy of my time and effort. No one should stick around when someone is breadcrumbing them… it may suck, but you’re worth so much more than someone who sees you as just an option. Men who are interested in a relationship with you (or me in this case) will move mountains to build the momentum, which includes a consistent effort to talk/see you. Although I’m looking for a relationship at some point, I’m happy to be single until I find that consistent effort: I won’t settle for anything less.

A busy weekend in my 30’s

Friday, a friend of mine arrived from Europe. She’s come to stay with me for 2.5 weeks while I show her around Perth. But before I get to that, I’ll catch up on the last week in brief. Last week I spent my time getting my place organised for my friend’s arrival and trying to squeeze one more date in with Mr. Perfect. Turns out he’s not perfect, but he’s still pretty amazing. We had a date on Tuesday and it was fun, but it was really short. He brought his dog and we went to the dog park, only to be met with darkness about 45 minutes after we’d arrived and so he left to bring the dog home as he didn’t want him running around in the dark – fair enough. I think we both had a good time on the date, but afterwards, the conversation was very difficult. When I got back home I found my cat stuck on the roof for about 2 hours until I finally got her down. So I know that I was stressed and not really focusing on the conversation either, but it wasn’t great. I messaged him the next day to no response, and then he responded the day after. Anyone in the dating world knows that a few days of no contact either means the interest is not really there or that there is some kind of ‘play it cool’ game happening. Well, I hate games so I assumed he’d lost interest. He messaged me last night to ask how my weekend was and explained that he’d been working 16 hour days and had fallen ill. Ok, so I guess it was a reasonable silence… turns out I have to stop reading into things so much (like most women trying to date).

Now onto the weekend: my friend Julie arrived Friday afternoon to Perth. She’d been travelling for about 24 hours at that point and instead of letting her chill out at home straight away when we got there, I told her to drop her stuff, change and we were leaving 10 minutes later. She’s pretty easy going so that was fine, and off we went to the beach for a sunset and fish and chips dinner. We stayed up talking into the night a bit and then had a bit of a sleep in on Saturday. When we woke up, we had breakky, coffee and then took off to the koala park with another friend of mine. The three of us had a ball getting some amazing photos of the wildlife there, and laughing through most of the day. While my two friends were able to get some very cute photos of them with the animals, mine were dive bombed and/or chaotic… which really is typical of my life. The ‘featured image’ on this post is now my alltime favourite with an epic photobomb by a kangaroo. I don’t take nice selfies, I take ridiculous ones – and I’ve learned to love that, especially where kangaroos are involved!

After the koala park, we drove out to Penguin island but we’d already missed the last penguin feeding so instead, decided to head down into the Rockingham foreshore for a late lunch. While sitting there on the coast, a pod of dolphins swam by, with one even doing a bit of a jump trick – it was a magical welcome to Australia for Julie. After lunch, we came back home and got ready for a birthday party that night. I drove us the 30 minutes to the party, we stayed for about 2 hours and then when we got home, both Julie and I crashed hard. It was nice to get out and see my friends, and also nice for Julie to see a bit of Perth nightlife… although it was not the kind of place I would’ve chosen to go to and we were quite tired at that point.

Sunday was lovely as well, we spent 3 hours at City Beach and then spent the afternoon in Fremantle. I haven’t been to Freo in years for some reason, but it was so chilled and a great way to enjoy the day and end the weekend. 🙂 We came home to eat dinner and chill out for a bit and I was in bed by 10pm. I thought that would be enough, but apparenlty the cat decided to keep me up and not let me sleep so… I’m still exhausted today! Tonight the plan is to get some groceries for the week and pack lunches for the week… or maybe to just relax, we’ll see how much energy I can muster later on! It’s been so fun though so while I’m complaining a bit about being tired, I love having company and I have really enjoyed the last couple of days! 🙂