Weight focused in my 30’s

Here I am, finishing off another Monday – nearly halfway through the year. I’ve been focusing a lot on men in these posts, so I’ll discuss a bit about what I’ve been up to outside of the dating world for today: focusing more on my self-evolution. I want to be the best person I can be and that, for me, starts with correct food choices, exercise and work/life balance. I love being healthy. Not a fit chick that lives for exercise and sport, but fit enough to play the sports I want without my heart and lungs fighting for which will give out first. Recently I started martial arts – about 2 months ago. I signed up on a 3 month trial and have attended a grand total of… 3 times. In 2 months! That’s a terrible effort for the ‘new me’ that I was hoping to show off when I go home to my mum’s wedding this summer! I now have 1 month left of the membership and until I leave to Canada for the wedding that will be immortalised in photos and memory. My problem is not in the decision – I can easily see what I need to do to get where I want to go. I can develop goals and set a plan to achieve them. It’s just that my execution of these plans doesn’t really exist.

I have to say that I’m so excited about this wedding! But what I’m not excited about is wondering if the dress I got (and left there on my last trip home) still fits me and how chubby I’m going to look in all the photos that will decorate my mum’s home for the rest of her years. It’s a good thing she doesn’t care about my weight like I do! She cares about her own, which is far too common in women. 😦 Back to my personal point: I thought that the wedding would be a great timeframe to set a goal and attain it by. But I was so very wrong! So now, I have just under a month to get to a point where I’m happy with how I look for the photos. I’m quite comfortable in my own skin usually; I can look in the mirror and appreciate a good hair day (doesn’t happen often though), a nice outfit, or even when I’m completely nude and seeing all my jiggly bits, I can appreciate that I am still an attractive person, albeit an overweight one. It’s the prospect of the photos that’s getting to me right now. I’ve never disliked my photo being taken until I saw the ones from my best friend’s wedding in January. At that point I’d gained 14kgs in about 3-4 months and it was not sitting well with me… especially since I was in a dress that would never feature in my own choice of clothing and a hair style created for a 12 year old: complete with ringlet curls and all. I looked, to put it kindly, like a wannabe princess. To put it realistically, I looked ridiculous in my opinion. I believe that 99% of the time the person who’s skin it is, is the only person who’s opinion actually matters, with the exception being when you’re standing in a wedding. Then it’s apparently the bride’s job to make us bridesmaids look as ridiculous as possible! I’ve NEVER been able to stand in a dress I actually liked!

Until now. Enter my lovely mum who says ‘choose your own dress, colour, everything; I don’t care so long as you’re there.’ 🙂 So I did and I love the dress and it makes me feel pretty and I finally have the opportunity to feel good about my physical appearance in a wedding party: except for the ferrero rocher I just ate… and the 4 before that one. *sigh*

I’ve always been weight-conscious and I’ve always been overweight. I play heaps of sport and, because of this, exercise more often than most people – I’m talking 8-10 times a week is pretty normal for me. For the most part, I make good food choices as well – I eat eggs and veggies for breakfast, a prepacked, healthy lunch and then a salad or meat/veg dinner. My biggest issue is with alcohol. I love those empty calories so much! Wine is my favourite drink – to the point where I get annoyed that I feel the effects so easily because I want to drink more of it! I don’t like the ‘drunk’ feeling, I just genuinely enjoy the taste and relaxing vibe I’ve come to associate with sitting and having a glass of wine. Because with it, I’m not stressing about work or chores or anything, I’m either cooking or reading or sitting in a bathtub listening to music. This is what I love, and tea or water or even pops just don’t do these things justice. I also have a sweet tooth (hence ferrero rochers) but I won’t actually eat sweets at home usually – it’s only when someone brings it into work: but then no holds barred, I’m shoving fist-fulls of whatever treat that it is (whether I even really like it or not) down my gullet before anyone else can get their hands on what I’ve deemed my ‘portion’ (which is usually enough for 3 people). And then I feel sick and so I don’t eat the healthy lunch I packed, until it’s late and then I don’t feel like a healthy lunch so I pop out to a takeaway shop for some sushi or something high-cal and high-sodium. Not an awful choice on its own, but when paired with the ton of calories I’ve just ingested by eating half a cake without pause, it’s also not a good one!

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